Sunday, July 25, 2010
Women love bad boys. Now mix in the fact that a vampire is searching for eternal love and needs a woman to survive; you’ve got yourself the ultimate bad boy. He answers to no one, lives by his own rules, wears nice clothes, and is hated by millions of living people. He is the man her mother warned her about except with more guy-liner and lip gloss than either of them could have ever predicted. He isn’t just bad, he’s dead. Beat that!
What the single guy could learn: It’s tough to pull off for some, but you could always give off the appearance of a bad boy. Try it like this: start sleeping all day, hang out late into the night, live by your own rules, piss off as many people as possible, and live off the blood of innocent women. Basically, pretend you’re back in college.
No.2 - Vampires are powerful
Vampires exude two types of power. The first is the raw, physical power. The vampire is always in phenomenal shape; it must be the low carbs/high blood diet and tons of sleep. The second type of power is mental. He's usually a manipulative bastard who can match brains as much as brawn. This amazing one-two combo is a major reason women love vampires. Moreover, it’s almost impossible to kill a vampire. You think he’s dead? Nope. Still not dead.
What the single guy could learn: Every man knows he has to stay in top physical shape. More important, though, is being mentally powerful. Never stop learning; tackle a new language, do puzzles and games to keep your mind sharp and for ghoul’s sake read challenging and thought-provoking books instead of the sports page every morning. That’s another reason women love vampires; they can carry on a conversation about something other than baseball stats.
No.3 - Vampires are romantic
Give those dead, bloodsucking bastards credit: they know how to romance the pants off a woman. The setting is always dark and mysterious and the atmosphere is just right for doing something dirty. The full moon seems to follow them wherever they go. One of the reasons women love vampires is that they know how to pull all the tricks to make the setting perfect. Also working to their advantage is that they don’t do much talking to ruin the moment. They’ve also had years of practice.
What the single guy could learn: Set the mood and pick romantic spots for even the simplest activities. Remember places and little nuances for special occasions. Do the small things: special occasions, flowers for no reason, and tiny little "I love you" reminders to make her feel special. If you show her how much you care, you might end up involved in a different kind of sucking that doesn’t involve blood.
No.4 - Vampires search forever to find "her"
Woman love to think they were destined to be with one man for the rest of their lives. They love the romantic angle of a soul mate -- two people destined to meet, fall in love and be together forever. Now imagine that man is just as eager to find her and has been searching foruntold centuries. It knocks a woman off her feet like a silver bullet
through the heart. When a vampire sinks his teeth (figuratively) into a woman, he makes her feel like the only woman in the world. It’s no wonder women fall hard -- then again, it could also be the blood loss. What the single guy could learn: Prove to her that she is the only woman in your life. Don’t check out other girls at a bar or ogle at the Top 99 Women on AskMen (at least not for as long as you usually do), and make her
feel like the greatest thing that has ever happened to you.
No.5 - Vampires are persuasive
Vampires have a calming demeanor. They are suave, smooth and soft-spoken, and the women eat it up. They convince the smart and savvy women that their odd behavior is on the up-and-up. They even convince them it’s cool to suck blood. How hard is that? You can’t even convince her to try new sexual positions.
What the single guy could learn: Tell a woman what you want by being candid and straightforward, but not
necessarily demanding. It will save a ton of time in arguing and fighting. Speak your mind. Don’t play games. Don’t let her have to figure you out.
No.6 - Vampires are moody
Women beg to differ, but they honestly do like the occasional hint of drama in a relationship. It keeps things fresh and exciting. This is perfect for the vampire, whose mood is constantly changing. You’d be pissed too if people wanted you dead and all you’ve had to eat for a couple centuries is some blood and the occasional taste of plasma. It’s not the greatest life to lead. Good thing they’ve got all the female attention to keep things bearable.
What the single guy could learn: Don’t be a moody little baby, but occasionally keep her on her toes. As
soon as a relationship becomes complacent and boring, the problemsarise. Spontaneity is one of the reasons women love vampires, so be unpredictable yourself. Do things out of the ordinary like pop into her office for
lunch, make her a surprise dinner or demand she skip work to spend the day together.
No.7 - Vampires love necking
Woman love sex. Honestly. But what they love even more is all the fooling around that should be involved before sex. As we all know, men just like to get down to business -- but not vampires. They don’t even really care about sex. They want to mess around. Particularly around the neck area -- the “sweet spot” as it’s known around the
coffins. They know how to start off tender and soft and then get a little rough. Rough enough to draw blood. Kinky.
What the single guy could learn: Start off slow with foreplay. Find out all her most erotic spots. Don’t know her erotic spots? Here’s a crazy notion: Ask her! Spend extra time on those areas; especially the neck. The vamps have that part down to a sweet science. If you draw blood you are definitely doing something wrong. The sex will happen. She won’t forget it’s the big payoff, and neither will you.
No.8 - Vampires dress well
Ever seen a poorly dressed vampire? Never. Vampires are always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and a nice complexion (though a tad pale). Their fashionable (and usually dark) duds show off just the right amount of chest. A nice pair of skin-tight pants and an occasional ascot or medallion completes the look. Like a modern-day Tom Jones without the giant crucifix in his pants -- Goth but classy. They usually look better dressed than the living, not even taking into consideration the fact they can’t exactly run to Kenneth Cole at lunch to pick up a nice pair of dark chinos for tonight’s big date. They wear their clothes well and always with the perfect fit. Thankfully, most ave dropped the cape.
hat the single guy could learn: Dress well for every occasion. Always be slightly overdressed. Find a style
that works. Go to a store and ask the clerk for assistance. Pick clothing that fits your body type. Pick colors that go with your skin tone. When in doubt, dress like the mannequin. But never wear the cape, no matter how good it looks.
No.9 - Vampires require no commitment during the day
Even though women love to spend as much time as possible with the man they adore, they still want some alone time to do things with the girls or on their own. They feel bad if they don’t at least call and check in a few times during the day. Women love vampires because vampires can’t take up the entirety of a woman’s day. Hell, they can’t even stay that late into the night. Sleepovers only last until the sun is coming up and vampires are nowhere to be found until the sun goes down.
What the single guy could learn: Sometimes a woman does just want to be alone. Give her time to do her own thing and beher own person. Give her space to be independent. It will make the time she spends with you even more special.
No.10 - Vampires are loners
The average guy runs with a pack; a group of close drinking buddies who come over to watch the game, hit the links on the weekends and get into trouble together. This clan takes up quality time and attention that is usually reserved for a girlfriend. Vampires work alone. They don’t have many friends, and if they do, they are usually
out doing their own thing. Women love vampires because they have all the time in the world. Literally.
What the single guy could learn: Don’t hang out with your friends so much. Make time for her and occasionally bag plans with the boys. The guys, the game, the golf, and the beers will always be there. Show her you are your own man.