Thursday, March 3, 2011


You can't think of ROBERT PATTINSON without your mind wandering at some point to a Vanity Fair photograph. It's not possible, at least not for me. I'll go out on a limb and say pROBably not for most of you.

You have to admire Vanity Fair for their intuition: they know what sells. SEX SELLS. What defines sex? That's easy. ROBERT PATTINSON. He knows too. He tries to come off innocent and unassuming... we fall for it, for a minute, for one obvious reason: ROBERT PATTINSON is a gifted actor. But then we see a photograph - let's face it - ANY photograph, and we know we've been played. MASTERFULLY. The man knows exactly what he's doing. The man is MERCILESS.

Let's take a look, shall we?


 EPIC EYE FUCK. Even the camera got wet. There's no shame. When ROB decides to give it to you, it's done. Right there in the weeds, MASTER? YES, SIR.

 Whatcha lookin at, ROB? Crafty, isn't he? He's not even looking at us, and we're FUCKED. Damn, he's good. I'm feeling particularly weak... it should be easy to see why... it's getting hard to breathe... this NECKgirl is DED.

 What's the matter, beautiful? Are you unCUMfortable? Is that naughty rope hurting you? My poor baby. You just wanted to have some fun. I can think of something much more fun than a swing. CUM with me. Oh, and ROB... BRING THE ROPE.

 *WANTED*  ROB, darling, now you're in trouble. You can't carry a weapon like that without a permit! And loaded as it is? You're a very bad boy! Whatever are we going to do with you? Tsk... tsk... tsk... Bring me the gun, baby. I'm going to have to punish you. Don't be alarmed, these are just handcuffs. I think they're necessary. You're strong, they won't hurt. Strong... BULGING muscles... hmmmm... CUM to think of it, I bet you're strong enough to take them from me. You could overpower me so easily...

Later that day....

 You're looking a little *cough* COCKy, ROB. YOU SHOULD. You've earned it. Vanity Fair '08 was quite a day. But then, YOU'RE QUITE A MAN. You have so much more in you. We want it. WE WANT IT ALL.

ROBvember is upon us. 2009.

Vanity Fair came hard in 2009. We CAME harder. 

ROB in BLUE. It's NECKcessary. Add PLAID... no one does plaid like ROB. Add a simple white tee...
we know what the man can do with a white tee. Again. And again. God bless his love for cumfort. I love these jeans. We saw them again in Remember Me. Yes, I noticed. So, let's get to the point. ROB seems to be contemplating something. So am I. I hope it's the same thing. I hope the glass in that window is strong. REALLY STRONG.

I love a man that reads, don't you? SEX-DRIVEN PEOPLE... that's an interesting choice, ROB. I applaud your wide span of interests. In fact, I give you a Standing O. Now I'd like to give you one sitting. Sorry in advance about the chair...

PIANO MAN. We know of his skills. His passion.We know about the magic he can create with those hands. He knows how to get a girl warmed up. His, long, beautiful fingers gently tickling... STROKING... ... ... ... ummm.... what was I saying? Oh please, just PLAY...

Always thinking. Always beautiful. His shirt's a little wrinkled... it couldn't be helped. I left it in one piece, what more do you want? OFF? Well, yes, I can't say I blame you. The man needs his rest. When he's ready.

READY. Oh my! Have you been waiting long? My apologies, sweetheart. Did you get cold? I'm feeling very warm. You don't need that coat anymore. Or the shirt. Let me just help you GET (those) OFF...

Where are you going, ROB? Oh... I see. You're thirsty. Yes, a cold beer sounds wonderful, thank you. Rehydrating is important, I couldn't agree with you more. You always know what's best. I trust you. Why else would I do everything you say? What's that? *blushes* Well, yes... there's that too. Cum back soon... I'll be right here... just how you left me.

Hmmm.... they waited longer this time. Do you suppose they thought we needed that long to recover from 2009? They're smart, those folks at Vanity Fair. Not that we recovered... I know I haven't. Besides, 2010 gave us TYLER HAWKINS and TENTWARD. Need I say more? No... there was no recovering to be done in 2010. Well... except for furniture, perhaps.

Oh my! What do we have here? A preview of what's to cum? I like your hat, ROB. I like it a lot. Is there nothing you can't make sexy? Stupid question, I know. Forgive me. Or punish me...

Well, Mr. PATTINSON, you can handle anything, can't you? You're cumpletely in control of that beast. You're cumpletely in control of all of us. You have that belt if anyone gets out of line. Hmmm... I'm starting to feel a bit rebellious. You might have to take it off. What a shame that would be... 
May I just ask one thing? Keep the hat on? Please?

You've had a LONG, HARD day. You deserve a break. Perhaps a hot bath? You just relax, I'll take care of everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. That look on your face tells me you understand. 

Oh ROB, how sweet you are to reward me with a song. You at the piano... you know what it does to me... do we really have to go out? Your NECK is tantalizing... I'm trembling with jealousy at those lucky keys... Couldn't we just stay here and...?

I understand the lesson you're trying to teach me. I do, however, think putting the tie on was unnecessarily cruel.  I can't see your beautiful NECK. *pouts*  Yes, I know that was your intent. What? You...? Oh... Oh! You're going to use it later? That hardly seems like punishment, SIR, but whatever you think is best. *giggles*  I'm driving? Okay. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. 

Thank you, Vanity Fair, and THANK YOU ROBERT PATTINSON.
We can't wait to see what you cum up with next!

Thank you @melarimo I love you so fucking much for this XOXOXO

VF collage via Absofreakinlutely :)


  1. You're so very welcum sweetie! It was my pleasure, believe me! :P

  2. THAT was Robtastic, bb!!!!!! I can't WAIT for the outtakes!!!


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